November 3, 2009 at 10:29 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

I’ll have to disagree with the esteemed professor Mason Cooley when he says, “Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story.”  I hate costumes.  I hate Halloween.  Which may come as a surprise to some of you WWJW readers.  Here is my Top 10 List on Why:

10) Because it undermines the efforts of those whose daily dress includes creativity and whimsy.
9) Everyone knows it’s just an excuse to look slutty (http://www.thefrisky.com/post/poll-how-slutty-was-your-halloween-costume/)
8 ) Wigs embarrass me.  What if I’m left crying on a street corner at the end of the night, wearing a wig?  Someone might think, “Golly, when that poor gal got dressed this evening, I bet she never thought she’d end up crying on a street corner wearing bootleg Bo Derek braids.”
7) It’s so schleppy!  And I don’t even like using Yiddish!  (If someone can help me find an adequate synonym for “schlep,” I will handwrite you a thank you on some Crane’s and include an assortment of WWJW-approved accessories.)
6) Ghoulish adornments are cool in any season!
5) At outdoor parties, many costumes are too cold.
4) At indoor parties, many costumes are too hot.
3) Sorry Jilla, you’ll always be too fat to be Barbarella.
2) Because I could pour my heart and soul into making a costume, only to be outdone significantly by someone who dropped $100+ on a professionally created ensamble…
1) OK that’s not entirely true… maybe it’s just because no Halloween costume could ever live up to this:

Throwback Halloween costumes
(C) deb. 1985

Long story short, I avoid making a big scene at Halloween.  Which does mean dressing up, because you make an even bigger scene if you don’t.  Tonight I’m dressing up as The Walk of Shame.  But today?  Nope, it’s just Jilly Bein’ Jilly.

Tophat headband

10.30 001

– Vintage Mickey Mouse sweatshirt
– American Eagle white and black striped tank
– Black leggings
– Silver Havianas flip flops
– Tophat headband



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  1. Are you a care bear? With a heart on your nose? I can see how going from someone with that level of awesomeness can skew your view on Halloween in the present. It’s like after you drive a Mercedes, you can’t go back to a jalopy.

  2. Would a synonym for “schleppy” be “pedestrian”? Hmmmm…

    I agree with all of your reasons for hating Halloween, and could give you many, many more of my own, but none of them have anything to do with dressing up, so I’ll let it go until next year.

    WHERE did you find that headband?

  3. ive seen that picture many times and i’ts one of the most adorable things ever. and i have to disagree about halloween. it’s my one day a year to dress up like king tut give the world around me a taste of pharaonic glory. i could never pull of the white robe and 10-inch gold headpiece on a standard workday. and slutty looking girls don’t bother me personally. and i think pedestrian is excellent. i use it to describe mutual fund and hedge fund performance sometimes.
    also, often people turn and ask why i’m looking at pictures of you everyday, so for the sake of my job, i’ll be using a number scale when i cant spend too much time checking you out. today’s outfit is a 7. it’s a real scale though so a 5 is average which is actually average and not to be underestimated.

  4. This headband is anything but pedestrian. Remember how honest Abe fared in the Civil War? Top hats are for winners.
    Your 10 reasons you dislike Halloween are all great. Very well-thought out. You make some compelling arguments.While I enjoy Halloween, it’s mostly because I enjoy looking like an idiot. Hence, why I am currently wearing fingerless gloves, sitting on a fitness ball, and accidentally wearing my underwear inside out. At work.

  5. Your plant looks almost as pathetic as the one in Sissy’s room. Only you could pull off a top hat headband. Brings back the days of the Bitch Hat. Sorry, but Mickey Mouse is lame anyway you look at it. He hasn’t had a hit about 50 years. I like Walt, but Mickey and the gang could use a major makeover. New job for you, possibly?

  6. Keep up the good banter! Bhak: I’m a Care Bear Cousin, technically, but they had .001% awareness that Care Bears have so I award you your points. Missy: pedestrian is an excellent word, especially used in the “NOT people crossing the street” sense, but unfortunately not the level of annoyance and lugging around sh*t I’m looking to convey. Mike: a strong counterargument, but I maintain — Halloween and me, unlike New Jersey and you, are not perfect together. Kelaine: now is that something you let ride all day, or do you flip them when you’re in the restroom? Stella: what a mom — finding a way to only insult things that aren’t your daughter. I like your style…

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